[BM's]

1051am

Lackin’ x Learnin

The reality is….I might have fucked up in the best way. I think that's what life is made of though; [BM's] 

Beautiful Mistakes. 

    I quit Corporate Amerikka (they not that bad fr, lmao) 6/2/20. I tried to stick it out for a year, which would have been 7/15/20. BUT, My presence and position in the role had both gotten terribly dark beyond my control. I couldn’t live like that & had been there before. Choosing Sanity over Security, was always like the rush of doing something sneaky; it felt right until it felt wrong. Like who did I think I was to choose my Dreams/Truth/Self over my paycheck? & people used their whole lives for a good job with benefits like this & you gone throw it all way? -- I'sholldid. & I was right. 

It never Aligned outside of the Money for me; this was a [BM]. The last company I worked for, I wouldn't do business with, so how I even took the position was a bit greedy but you know, Life calls for Experience, we Live & we Learn. 

    Had I stayed with the role yes, I would be slightly more comfortable financially. I would NOT be in a Head/Heart space to create or dream or trust or manifest. Only surviving. At the point where even the 20+/hr was not enough motivation to push me through my days, God presented experience and choice to take a leap of faith or keep fighting for misery. Security was a minuscule issue at this point, compared to Light(love)/Darkness(fear). 

With every reaction, there is Consequence. That shit was triggering darkness for reasons I needed to identify before leaving. I had not fully, but what did I learn?

• Security is not worth Sanity!! #period. I can say this with a smile, negative bank account & half behind on everything. I never felt more sure that I would be Okay and figure it out. Because I got Self and awareness that I really am the Prize & Purpose in my Life. I was not doubting or dumbing this Light down for diminishment, nomo. 

With Great Preparation came great success. I do all my Life Work. B/c it was solely my responsibility to Make it Make Sense [MIMS], for me. 

*We abbreviate everything that is important honey, thank me later* 

Everything had to Align. It did not have to be perfect, but their had to be a Blueprint, a Plan. I am now in esthetics school. Something I've always desired to pursue. I still Bartend which I love when I can I pay my bills (COVID sucks) & Ive pursued a few different entrepreneurial paths which led me closer to my bigger picture. A Win. A Big One. My theory and moral were you just need a Lil bit to make a lot of bits. Lil Bags to Big ones. I had found myself again and prayed God kept us together. I recognized some other lessons in the situation too: 

• I probably need some therapy & anger mgmt. 
• Everything is not for everybody, 
• I hope God never points me in the direction of CSR ever again. It's simply not for me. It was not natural and it was not Fun. Both of things life should always be. 
• It is okay and really necessary to say No sometimes and Bow Out for the greater good of Self and not be ashamed when doing so. 
• Live and Learn. Fuck It up and Figure it out. 

If you work a job you hate, right Now,

 It’s okay and it will get better if you want it too. It’s a choice to Suffer & a choice to Change. Both are hard. But one just leads to more Fulfillment than the other. When we Change there becomes space for New. Better. Greater. I don’t know about You, but I Love New. Especially when it is saving from Nothingness. 

A few years ago, I read this quick read by Seth Godin called “The Dip"; the gist is simple, Know when to Quit, and Keep Going. That’s it. Know Self enough to feel when shit ain’t adding up in your insides. Rather than making your Self suffer, make the necessary changes on the outside even if that’s quitting and keeping On. The Universe loved and aligned for the choosers who helped themselves. ;) 

If you recently quit a job you hate and in between the rock, the rainbow, and the hard place. Its all God baby, we are going Good. 

& If any of this was easy, everybody would do it. But, it is not so everybody won't. This is just a small PSSAA (Private Self Service Awareness Act) to let you know like Big G (Glennon Doyle) said in “UnTamed” (my favorite book, ever right now):

“We Can Do Hard Things. Stay Close.”

Thank u, God, Within x Above Me. Thank You Reader/friend & Thank You, Miss Payne, for showing Up. 

I Love Us. Have a crzyAmazing Day and look for the Magic, Its all ‘there'.♥️