ONADATE // KINDANERVOUS

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yesterday...08092020

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Why Am I Nervous?????

Lol this has always been kind of weird..but fuck it. We gone learn today.

I Am Miss Payne. & I Am that I Am. Everything.

In this moment and for my full duration of Life, I've struggled with Inclusiveness. This post is allowing me to shed Light on this. I hope we are able to grow together. I am Here for Us but mostly Me. I need me more than yall. Overjoyed in how this platform found me and how this plan aligned so perfectly. This feels nice...like Home. It's going to be Fun and Beautiful and Real...you READY?

Where Do I fit In? Not even in my own skin. But:

I Am That I Am. Everything.


Thank You God.

It felt like I was finally comfortable in my "fuckit". I was finally ready to BE ME. FOR ME. FOR YOU.
Me and My Dad were having a conversation about the media the other day and he was saying back in the day, women wrote more. There was not a social media to express yourself to like a diary. You had to pick up and get into the Real Thing. I tried in begging to differ but he shut me down, asking "How many of your friends or your mama friends got journals they write in on a regular?" I said "iono, none? they say they cant do it or dont want too". His response; "Exactly, you & your mom are different, that's yall shit, Your a Writer". I begged to differ but again he was right. For some reason I found some silent weird reward or strength in discrediting my magic. I liked to say "I just keep it real with myself, I just write how i feel and fix it." But that had developed a Writer. 

Since a jit' I been on my Me shit. As far as Self-Awareness and like figuring it out, MIMS [Makin' it Make Sense]. I made it my business to break down and know me, right in the middle of adolescence. As a young evolving lil girl, in love lol. It's been fun and ugly. Ive never been perfect but like, just about? In my own right. Always smack in the middle of too much and never enough. Not even fitting in my own skin, but instinctively Knowing that I Am that I Am--Everything. 

Lately, My Magic became to Magical for just Me. See now, We had evolved. We felt Ready and now or neverish. Because granted somebody would not Understand. Somebody Would. I'd just finished reading UnTamed by Glennon Doyle (Big G!); It was perfect and right on time. She gave me my whole life and brung me back to exactly where I needed to be. And just like she did for me, it was somebody out here (probably a lil black Power Child) looking for something to clarify they Knowing too.. I felt I was ready & chose. 

The overall Goal and Purpose of my Writing is to Inspire People to Get Into Themselves & Tell The/Their Truth, Keep It Real & Stay Close. With that you could create/be anything. B/c You are That I Am & We Everything. #GoODtalk

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