LIL MERMAID

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1:50pm – 9/11/20

Some days are just naturally easier than others to feel better in the Dark/Light. 

"It’s Tough Moments. Not a Tough Life. "

It's natural to struggle after trying for soo long, While learning & figuring 'it’ Out. Obviously alone.  

Going hard as long as I can remember while trying to Love somebody. The Pressure has never been off. It's natural and okay to feel frustrated is what I remind myself. I ain't never blaming my journey or choices on the next man. I chose to stay. I chose to try. I chose to ignore the signs. So, therefore. I chose that Payne. I feel it. I heal it. I am growing through. It's Life. 

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At work, observing the motions, This new security Guard, guy paced back and forth. Calm, Collected, Observant & Bullish in nature. We were mirroring. Personally, he reflected Beast for me, the opposite of Beauty. Exactly how I felt. He ain't say much but said everything in his presence; "We good long as we good. Don’t fuck wit me. Don’t get fucked up." Simple. I could see through his exterior and his role. He wasn’t as hard & heavy as he portrayed. He just wasn't soft either, by default. That was the job, to carry this poise as protection. I liked it, we had it down packed.

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#OOMF quoted something the other day, I thought about since it crossed my path:

“Don’t burn bridges, if You can’t Swim.”…

I could, I just often forgot. Or, could not get my hair wet. 

The scenery of Water was Serenity in plain sight. I found things within Me when One with The Source in the face of bodies of water I couldn't get nowhere else, BUT -- the Depth paired with the lack of Control if anything like my Own, was too much for Me to just be playing with. I never swam often. But I knew how to swim indefinitely & pretty well. It was kind of like once you learn to ride a bike, you could never un-know. The exercise was therapy. It was in my nature and quite natural once I literally re-membered in the water. One of many ideas/skills/traits that sleep dormant, within Me; Lil Mermaid. Waiting too Swim. Living to Swim and keep on Swimming and Growing with the Flow. It is no need to Stand Here wading in this Water When we tryna get to the Other Side. We must Swim...Just Keep on Swimming.

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They say you will love one until you hate them. Im sure there is truth in the narrative. I think things: I hate this man. But I love him so much. And I only hate that I can't change that. & I can't change him. So I Loved Him and I Let Him Go. 

Keep on Swimming. 

Thank You God, within x above, Thank You Readers & Mermaids.

iLoveUs.

♥

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