TORNADO // S.S.S

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 426am – 9/22/20 

“S_E_L_F_D_E_S_T_R_U_C_T_I_V_E; I Need Help.” 

I do…until I get some and probably even after, Ima smoke some weed. Right after I get this out, I'm going to smoke…& Surrender. B/c I need Help and I need my Self and ain't nobody else here. 

I will look back at this mass destruction and laugh and cry at how I made it through this darkness all by myself. I didn’t die…or kill me. 

Or maybe I did. 

I would survive the storm, coming out with nothing but Me and I would start over and try again I guess. Until then, I cry, lol. 

Through the Rain and at the Rainbow because I Am Blessed and Broken and Whole and Hurting, Healing..all together, at the same time. Knowing that I Am that I Am:

A Sailing Soul Survivor, who could weather any storm.

You gotta feel it to heal it and at first, it hurt. Bad. I'm just human and whole. I tried too long to a fairytale. I lost myself in my head and my heart. Not utilizing any other parts of my being like control, logic, or discernment. I was here now…dealing with the aftermath of this Tornado who came and flooded my life with ….. lack & confusion. I tried to foresee and spare me the damage but This storm was calm and convincing. It didn’t show up as a typical danger, I didn't see the trouble on the radar until it was too late. This tornado wreaked havoc on my world for personal purpose and left me with rubbish and smoke. All this fucking smoke. This storm was personal to my Home & to my Heart. This storm spared me no mercy abt what was left behind he only showed up as a Disaster and a Lesson. The best advice from it and others were: "Charge that to the game. Let it Die down and Build over it." 

Some days there was beauty in the aftermath. Some days there were fires and other times, it was just Black….. I felt quite dumb for missing the signs & quite numb cuz' I never thought I'd witness a first-hand tornado ripping straight through me and surviving. Alone. 

God is Good + Is all GoOD. Miracles do happen. Stay Close. 

p.s. I love you//I love Us…I do, I do, I do. <3


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